Brutally honest, life as a YouTuber
Spring snuck in before I had time to get ready. It was drizzling out there, and it was dark before sunset. I can't seem to escape allergies during the seasonal change period. My sinus was a little running and stuffy at the same time. I was confused about my condition, but I was sure I wasn't feeling great enough to do my regular filming for my YouTube channel, even though boxes were pulling up. Staring at the packaging and boxes, I sometimes wondered if other YouTubers had similar experiences or reasons for starting their channel. Did all the excessive buying come from the same reason I have? I hesitate to ask them; I am sure I would sound so rude assuming. Sometimes, I think about sharing my journey with my subscribers, but my mind isn't articulate enough to tell the story without scripting. Therefore, I thought I would take the opportunity to sit down and write down my reflections while it is gloomy outside.
If this is your first time visiting my site, you are welcome. Please consider checking out my YouTube channel so that you can get an idea of what I am discussing. In short, there are plenty of shopping-related videos, like unboxing and product reviews. Although I often showcase the products calmly with occasional horse-like laughter in my videos, things aren't as straightforward behind the scenes. Contrasting to what some may think, life isn't flourishing with all the fantastic new things I purchase regularly. On the opposite, I am dealing with deep-rooted trauma that keeps me up at night and consumed by severe depression due to many major issues in life. Often, I sit in the dark, wondering if the world will notice when I stop updating my channel.
While watching my videos, many viewers and subscribers may not realize how life could differ from what they think. It could feel like the grass is always greener on the other side since I rarely share personal struggles in the videos. People often look for entertainment while browsing YouTube; listening to melancholy stories is probably not their goal. Also, I don't feel entitled enough to ask random strangers to care about what I have to say since YouTube recommends videos based on their ambiguous algorithm. I don't want to ruin somebody's afternoon because of my pain.
When people watch my videos, some may consider the items I show as luxury goods. At other times, I see people spending time debating which brands are considered luxury. To me, human empathy is a luxury lacking in our society. Based on my observation, I was trained not to share too many sob stories with friends and family. Too often, when friends shared their struggles, the listeners froze up, incapable of sharing kind and comforting words, as if they were asked to spit out gold coins from their mouths.
I remember growing up in Asia; things were very different culturally. We loved to hear stories, and we were always there to lend a shoulder when our friends needed support. Over here in America, I am often shocked by how you are required to show optimism and positivity, knowing you are simply pretending. Of course, I can't generalize the issues since some people are loving and supportive and are capable of showing empathy. Unfortunately, I have seen it once too many times, sensing the silence in the room as if the temperature was dropping and giving me chills. Years of observation in life within a particular environment taught me not to talk about anything too personal because that may make the listener feel uncomfortable. I don't even cry alone in the room because I wonder if the empty walls would despise the tears I shed.
Being truthful and honest in life is challenging. We all have challenges that are hard to navigate, to the point that we can't make room and have the energy to be there when someone is crying for help. If I was ever asked what luxury is, it is human empathy—something money can't buy. Being financially stable, I can pretty much buy most things I need. I don't require items from luxury brands because they don't serve a purpose. My excessive shopping doesn't give me any lasting comfort. The pain and fear from my trauma didn't fade away because I bought another bag or another pair of shoes. It takes time to research, study, meditate, and sometimes ask for professional help to get my mind onto the right path. Life as a YouTuber is not without struggles, but I am glad I can share my passion and interest with people who love similar things. The human connection helps me get through some tough moments, not the pennies of ad revenue YouTube is paying.
